These jeans are from the tiny plus size section of my local H&M. It’s in the same shopping center as Marktkauf, the superstore (like a Kmart or something) where I stopped to get some cleaning supplies & a few other items. I figured I’d stop in and check out H&M’s clearance while I was there, and I found these awesome coated skinnies for €7! However, they are 4 sizes larger than what I usually wear. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, just grabbed a few sizes because I know H&M’s sizing is often weird, and hit the dressing room. These fit perfectly, I was happy, I bought them and left. Simple.
But on the bus ride home, I started thinking about a time when I never would have even tried these on. I would have tried on the size I thought I was “supposed” to be, or maybe even a size smaller, and if they didn’t fit, I would have just gotten upset and left. Which is crazy! I’m not any fatter than I was yesterday, even if the clothes I was wearing yesterday were 4 sizes smaller than the jeans I’ve got on today. And even if I was, who cares? I try things on, and wear what fits, and continue on with my life. I don’t let it take up valuable brain real estate anymore, and that’s how it should be. They’re numbers on tags! I’ve come a long way from that kind of thinking in the last few years.
On the flip side, though, it makes me very aware of the privilege I have compared to larger fats. These jeans are from H&M’s plus size section, which is already a tiny corner of the store, compared to the huge selection of straight size clothing. But even there, these jeans are the largest size they have! They’re a size 54/US24/UK28. Someone larger than me would not be able to buy jeans at H&M, even in the section that is supposed to be made just for fat people. It’s insane. I have two stores in this mall where I could potentially buy clothes, and I think I’m in the largest size in both. Someone just a little bigger than me wouldn’t be able to buy any clothes at the mall. That’s ridiculous. It’s crazy. When skinny people whine about not being able to find jeans that fit them like a glove after twenty minutes of looking, and say that makes it just as hard for a size zero as a size thirty, that’s ridiculous. There are probably about two dozen stores in that mall where they can buy clothes, and none for anyone above roughly a size US18-20. (Despite what the H&M clothes are marked.) In fact, I’m not even sure where in my whole city I could buy clothes much above my size (maybe a US22?), and THAT, my friends, is thin privilege.
Earrings: Dorothy Perkins (UK)
Cobalt blue top: Cable & Gague via TJMaxx (USA)
White lace blazer: Forever 21 via Fatshionxchange (USA)
Coated skinny jeans: H&M+ (Germany)
Chocolate brown boots: Lane Bryant (USA)